Science Jokes

1.    What did one atom tell another?
        - I think I lost an electron
        - Are you sure?
        - Yes, I'm positive.

2.  A small piece of sodium which lived in a testube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Bunsen! my flame! I melt whenever I see you" said the sodium.The bunsen burner replied :"It's just a phase you're going through".

3.    Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: " Do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".

4.  A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender: " How much for a beer?" The bartender looks at him and says: "For you, it's no charge".

5.    Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
        - Because it was polar.

6.    What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
       - A one molar solution.

7.    What do dipoles say in passing?
       - Have you got a moment?

8.  Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
        - Because it's in the ground state.

9.    What do you do with a dead chemist?
        - Barium

10.  What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron?
        - A KNiFe.

11.    Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
        - They're cheaper than day rates.

12.    What happens when electrons lose their energy?
        - They get Bohr'd.

13.    What did one titration tell the other?
        - Let's meet at the endpoint.

14.    Why are chemists great for solving problems?
        - They have all the solutions.

15.    Do you know what happened to the chemist who was reading a book about Helium?
        - He just couldn't put it down.

16.  A florence flask was getting dressed for the opera. All of a sudden she screamed: "Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!". The husband replied: "Take it easy honey, do not overreact. We'll find a solution".

17.    Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
          - Because it's basic stuff.

18.  What is a cation afraid of?
          - A dogion.

19. What did the match tell the flame?
     -Baby, you make me lose my head.

20. What did the cowboy tell his horse?
    - HIO Ag!!!!

21. How many moles are in a guacamole?
    -Avocado's number.

22. Why did the ice cube get divorced?
     -His wife said he was too cold.

23. Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
     -They bonded well from the minute they met.

24.  What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties?
      - Methylated spirits.

25.  If H₂0 is water what is H₂0₄?
      -Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming. . .

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